Stinkin' Train Wreck!

Ever been undone so erratically that you don't even know which pieces to start sifting through?

I can hardly believe the wrecking He's been doing to who I am. Like a giant sledge hammer smashing things to bits so goes the last couple days.

I began to worship today and surprisingly it did not immediately start as some divine encounter where I was transported into the 7th heaven. You would think in a place with an open heaven that worship would pour out of you like Niagara Falls. I present to you, Justin Collins and the mighty trickling dry creek bed with tumble weeds blowing down the dusty trail. For some reason I have been struggling to encounter the tangible presence of God during worship, here in a place where it flows like a torrent!

I first thought it might not be me This Bethel was simply not as intense a place of worship as I thought it to be. But after surveying everyone around me getting smashed (weeping, laughing, drunk, dancing, etc), I figured that was probably not an accurate summation. This made me think, "Hmmm... I wonder? Might it, by some slim possibility, be perfect little me causing precious little me this closed heaven?".

I said to myself, "You can't be that hard Justin... right? I thought you were a pretty good guy, that you love the Lord a lot and serve Him faithfully. Plus, you drove all the way to California and gave up life as you know it to prove this. That should be enough to get a few measly drops from heaven... so, what the HECK is going on?"

And surprisingly, God spoke to my heart saying, "You want My presence? First you have to break that heavy yoke you've been carrying, and I've got just the thing to do it... It's something I call praise. And by the way, I don't care if you feel like doing it, just do it because you love Me... the rest I'll take care of"

I won't go into what the heavy yoke was because it will take too long. Sufficed to say I pushed into praise, again, for the fifth or sixth time in the last week and a half. Sometimes it takes a while to break something that was crafted so well... by hands you recognize as your own. Annoying how that works.

At first it didn't feel good and it definitely wasn't easy... I didn't/don't know any of the songs. My heart was heavy and it felt forced. But I also know from past experiences that God honors a sacrifice... even a small one. I don't know if it was the accumulation of my praises from the past days or the singular moment, but something shifted.

It was like peddling to the top of one of these infernal hills (which I have to do everyday). You're legs and lungs are burning and you feel like stopping would be an exquisite idea, but you know that just... a... little... bit... more and you'll be off to smooth sailing, legs up on the handlebars, coasting into the calming breeze. Well, I suddenly made it to the top... and coasting was probably a bad analogy. More like accidentally riding into the busy intersection unawares and being obliterated by a cement truck, rolled over by the proceeding two pick up trucks and coming to rest beneath the little blue Honda. You've lost your helmet and you're missing three quarters of your teeth, and for some odd reason you're smiling... probably because you can't feel any pain since you're in shock and going to die.

Well, I definitely had tea with the cement truck... pleasant chap. God violently coursed through every pore of my body like liquid fire with a dose of experimental electricity... and that is not an exaggeration. His presence came on so strong I had no control over it and frankly had no clue what to do. If you have ever been in a "spot" where you no longer have control of your body but instead the One who created it does.... AWESOME!!!!!! All I could do was shout and cry. Apparently He thought this enjoyable so He turned it up a few more notches and my hands felt like I could have been an X-MEN, shooting fire across the room to consume innocent bystanders. Joking aside, I looked like I had lost control of my nervous system... but only in my arms and hands. I have only encountered His presence like this the day He showed Himself real to me: September 15th, 1995. I have longed for this to happen again since that day... He knows my longings. And now I want Him to come on so strong that it's not just my hands but my whole body that loses control. I cannot accurately describe to you what it feels like to have the Holy Spirit literally coursing through your veins. You will want more! You will be WRECKED! NOTHING compares to it... no words can describe it!

I don't have time to share about the healings students are already seeing... most of them at WinCo supermarket for some reason, and I also don't have time to share about the bang on word of knowledge God gave me for a young man today. The student testimonies of God moving would cover this page 100 times over. Not only is God showing Himself powerfully, but He is also restoring my heart in amazing ways... There will be more. I am anticipating sharing the first healing that God does through me as soon as it happens... and I believe it will!

I'll be seeing you soon, probably with a few more missing teeth :)