Isaiah 6:5 "Then said I, Woe is me! for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."
How many of you have ever burned something into a pot or pan? You know that no amount of scrubbing will get that off. No, the only way to get it off is to soak it. An even better way is to boil the soaking water with a little dish soap and let it simmer for a while. Well, that has been my experience here at Bethel. I came into worship and immediately became overwhelmingly aware of the crustiness of my soul. Before coming I thought, yeah, I have some things I am working through but I am okay with God. I have realized there is no "okay with God". I am thinking of the passage in Revelation where God says He would rather people be hot or cold than lukewarm. He goes on to say that He will spit them out of His mouth. So, back to being crusty. I was really aware as I looked around at the people worshiping that I was not where they were. I was further made aware as people laughed and shook under the Spirit and I sat untouched. Finally, as they preached about God's goodness and love and His desire to heal I could stand it no longer and simply cried hot, frustrated tears. Every service I went to I cried those hot, frustrated tears, wanting to run up to the front and grab someone and say what happened to me??? I knew I had been angry with God, I knew I had even turned away in my heart for a time in that anger. But God had been drawing me back and giving me moments where I felt His love again. I had no idea how cold I still was and how unable to respond in love rather than what I knew in my mind was right to do. So, I wondered how I would be made whole? I went for prayer many times. I went to as many services as I could. Someone even prayed, "Lord, give her some kind of a tangible touch so that she will know the healing work that You are doing in her". Nothing happened. I was completely disheartened. I once again started feeling upset with God, "I even sold my house and moved all the way across the country (albeit somewhat unwillingly) and You won't even give me a touch from the Holy Spirit?" I felt anxiety that maybe the hope I'd had in God's plan to heal and refresh me here was a mistake. Days turned into weeks and it seemed that not much was happening to me. I was constantly battling within myself feeling down, or lashing out at Justin because he was receiving so much and I felt I was not. Well, all of those church services, hours of worship and prayer mixed with bubbling and at times boiling emotions were like that pot. The water of the Holy Spirit was filling me, soaking my crusted soul. Slowly, without anything dramatic happening, I noticed a change. At first, I was even unwilling to admit it because I was still upset that I hadn't had any dramatic and powerful touch from God. I kept looking at all of the ways I felt God had disappointed me. Despite all of that, He kept soaking me with His Holy Spirit and slowly the blackened char of my soul has been softening. I am still aware that I am not where I would like to be in my love for God, but at least there is a desire to grow in it again and a recognition of my need for more. I have to steady my emotions and remind myself during the times I feel I am the only one not at the party that God has already done a lot in me during these weeks. I even had one night where He gave me a kind of a vision in one of the classes here. We were to listen to a worship song and then ask Jesus to meet with us and tell us something. As soon as I closed my eyes, at the start of the song, I saw myself as a little girl in dress up clothes dancing with Father God. I was standing on His feet and He was rocking me wildly and we were both laughing. After that I saw a kind of a slide show of all of the good times I'd had with Him over the years. There were many. Well, during all of this, I was laughing and crying and then it became mostly laughing for about 15 minutes. This is significant because, for the past 2 years, every time I felt God's presence and let my defences down, all I ever did was cry. I had so much pain in my heart that I was sick of crying. It got so that I didn't want to try to spend that intimate time with God because I knew I would feel all of the hurt and cry more. Well, since I have been here, I felt an urgency that I didn't want to miss out on whatever God had for me but I knew I couldn't receive anything like this. So, little by little, when it seemed nothing was happening, and I was just crying again, I was getting better. Like that pot that needed to soak, it was slowly falling off my heart, sometimes in big chunks like the night I laughed with Father God. I am still in process but I have seen great progress in just a month and a half. I am beginning to feel strong again at times in my spirit man. I have even stepped out a couple times and given people prophetic words and they said they were accurate! (Not too long ago I felt I couldn't hear God at all.) As exciting as holy laughter and prophecy are, I am conscious of staying focused on what is really important, growing closer to God. It is far too easy to just focus on God's gifts without staying caught up in love with the Giver.
I had intended in keeping my posts about what is happening here at Bethel in general, rather than blabbing on about myself. I felt initially that it was all too messy even to bring up, that it wouldn't glorify God. But I am seeing that a lot of what is going on here is about changing people, renewing their way of thinking about God and the world, and giving them a confidence in God's goodness and love. The miracles bear witness to all of that.
If there are any of you who read this and feel that you too are like that crusty pot or maybe you just feel "okay with God", I want to encourage you to get a good worship CD and "soak" as you fall asleep in the night. Wash your mind with some fresh reading of the Word of God, even just a chapter or two a day. Listen to sermons. However you want to do it, but let the Holy Spirit soften your heart and cleanse your mind, even if there are painful things that you don't want to deal with. He is gentle, He is faithful and He is good. If you do, He will surely meet with you and you will be blessed and you will bless others around you. Now isn't that the kingdom of God in the earth? Each one of us, growing in God and letting it overflow into the world around us.
One last thing, I like what they say here about the kingdom of God. Every where you go, if you call out the good things in people and praise God's gifts in them, you will cause them to grow. If you tell a cashier what a beautiful smile she has and how much it blesses everyone who comes into her line, guess what she will do for a while after you leave? She will be smiling and joyful to everyone who comes, whether she knows God or not. This releases others to receive that joy too. So, you don't have to preach a sermon and say the sinner's prayer to everyone you meet. Bring God's kingdom however He leads, even in just a smile or a word of encouragement.
Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. He that serves Christ in these things is well-pleasing to God, and approved of men."
P.S. The title is a quote from one of our beloved teachers at Elim, Brother Hugh Smith. He was full of such sayings, and 11 years later, they still stand out clearly in my memory. (Another one was, hurt people hurt people. So true!) Simple can be very good! Thanks Brother Hugh!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
"Waiter, We'll take 2 orders of whatever he's got!"
Hi all,
this is Jessica here. I mentioned that I am reading the books after Justin so that I can be learning what he is in some measure. I have been slowly reading through Bill Johnson's book, When Heaven Invades Earth : A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles. I figured it is probably the main source to gain understanding about what God is doing in this church and school since Bill Johnson is the central leader. Sounds good right? Okay, so I wanted to talk about a few things in the book that I found interesting. I still highly recommend reading some of these books by the way, as a means of getting a lot of what God is doing here at the school.
So, pg. 88 Bill Johnson says this, "In 1987 I attended one of John Wimber's conferences on signs and wonders in Anaheim, CA. I left discouraged. Everything that was taught, including many of the illustrations, I had taught. The reason for my discouragement was the fact that they had fruit for what they believed. All I had was good doctrine.
There comes a time when simply knowing truth will no longer satisfy. If it does not change circumstances for good, what good is it? A serious reexamination of personal priorities began. It was apparent that I could no longer expect good things to happen simply because I believed they could....or even should. There was a risk factor I had failed to enter into--Wimber called it faith. Teaching MUST be followed with action that makes room for God to move. (Endnote says this here : Making room for God doesn't mean He can't move without our approval. It simply means He delights in our invitation.)
Things changed immediately. We prayed for people and saw miracles. It was glorious but it didn't take long to discover that there were many also that weren't healed. Discouragement set in, and the pursuit with risks decreased.
On my first trip to Toronto (the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship aka Toronto Blessing) in March of 1995, I promised God if He would touch me again, I would never back off. I would never again change the subject. My promise meant that I would make the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, with the full manifestations of His gifts--the sole purpose for my existence. And I would never stray away from that call--no matter what! He touched me, and I have pursued without fail."
Red color was my addition, as was a clarification of Toronto for those who may not be familiar with the outpouring of the Spirit there in the mid 1990's.
I am 2/3 of the way through the book but I think this passage is the foundation for what God has done and is doing here. Toronto was about LOVE. Their mission statement was "That we may walk in God's love and then give it away." It was centered around the Fatherheart of God and it is amazing to see how many of the major players on the world wide scene received an important impartation from that move which has paved the way for what God is now doing through them. That is kind of a side note maybe (or maybe not) but I think something to keep in mind as you are looking at this wholehearted pursuit of the Holy Spirit and the full manifestations of His gifts.
1 Corinthians 12 talks about those gifts, in case someone doesn't know what those are, I am going to list them from that passage. "To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the self same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one just as He determines."
Bill Johnson also talks about how Jesus' identity and mission from God the Father were authenticated by the demonstrated power of God (the anointing) on His ministry. CHRIST means "anointed one". For Him to be the Christ, the Messiah, He had to be anointed with power. So there is a verse he quotes that is Jesus speaking and He says this, "unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe Me." I recall that His message to John in prison, in response to John the Baptist's question of His identity, was something like this, tell him, the blind receive their sight, the sick are healed and the prisoners are set free. He was authenticating His identity by the works that He did in power (and their fulfillment of the prophecies concerning Him). There are many more quotes you can look for yourself but for now we can all agree that the Son of God needed to have power to really be the SON OF GOD. But then he continues by saying that the church of God, the body of Christ, needs to walk in that same power to authentic the message of Christ. That we are representations of Christ who are re-presenting the same gospel message. I can agree with that also. Paul says, "the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power." And Jesus commissioned His followers to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons." SO, there is one important question, why aren't we seeing it here in North America in the church? I can't really answer that for you. I just know that I have hungered to no longer feel impotent in the things of the Spirit. When I talk to someone who doesn't know Jesus Christ I don't want them walk away thinking what a nice person I am but to be touched by the LIVING GOD in a way that only He could. I want them to never be the same again. To say, like Jesus, the kingdom of God has come to you today.
There is someone that I have known of for some time who is based in Mozambique, Africa. Her name is Heidi Baker. I got the opportunity to hear her speak the first week I arrived...a little treat for me because I had been wanting to see her in person for a number of years and something always prevented me, until now. I believe it is because the longing I feel for what she speaks of could not be pursued at that time and was painfully the opposite in my life during that time. Anyway, she takes care of orphans in Mozambique with her husband Rolland. They call her mama Heidi. She started out with only a few but God put it in her heart not to refuse any child that came to her. Well the streets are full of orphans, and with AIDS, the continent is full of sick orphans! What a task! She just kept bringing them home and asking God to provide. God has created food for the orphans like the miracle of the loaves and the fishes. He has even created juice and cookies. Now I know many of you are really balking at that. It is a minor note in the collection of stories she shared, some funny, some heart rending but all inspiring. She and her husband just live the gospel. Really, the stories you read, she lives. People have been raised from the dead, too many to count! Even the unsaved are bringing their dead to the African pastors that are a part of her ministry and they see miracles! She told the story of walking down a city street and how she could smell a horrible stench of rotting flesh. Inwardly she rejoiced knowing that it meant an opportunity for God to touch someone. She found the man whose hand was literally rotting off and God told her to grab hold of it. She explained how she has no fear of sickness since she is a child of God. Anyhow, she did grab a hold of it and her hand squished into the oozing flesh. Now many of you are squirming at that thought but she didn't even pray for him at this point! She heard God say to stomp on his foot with all of her might, so SHE DID! He screamed in pain and jerked his body and hand away. She began rejoicing instantly because she knew that he was healed (lepers cannot feel pain because the nerves are dead). His rotten hand was whole too! All of his body was cleansed of the leprosy and He received Jesus. Another story she told was of a 10 year old girl. This girl for some reason was 1 legged. Her family fell on hard times and sent her brothers to live with relatives but they tried to stone her to death because she was a burden with only one leg. Her grandmother actually hated her. So, a neighbor found her almost dead in a field with her head bashed in and took her to the hospital. They helped her recover and released her. She then had no where to go, so she sat on the streets and sold her 1 legged 10 year old body for a piece of bread. At this point I was sobbing. She hesitantly came to Heidi only because she saw another child with her and thought maybe she would be safe to talk to. Heidi ended up inviting her home. The girl was so demonized that she began to scream and manifest the demonic at Heidi's house. She just held the girl and rocked her and spoke scripture over her. The girl bit her again and again. She just kept rocking her and speaking God's love and truth over her. Eventually the girl stopped. She ended up receiving Jesus and staying there for several years. After that time, she came to Heidi one day and told her she needed to go home. Heidi tried to dissuade her because of the terrible abuse she had gone through but the girl said, how can I stay here receiving God's great love knowing that my family is going to hell for all eternity. I must go and tell them of God's great love for us." She went and her grandmother still cursed at her but her 2 of brothers received Christ. In the end, 8 years later, Heidi got to be there for the girl's wedding to a wonderful Christian man, to see her walk down the aisle (with a prosthetic leg) as her brothers wept at God's miracle, their beautiful sister. There were many more stories like this, if you want to hear the word she brought it is on Bethel's website (it was about 3 or 4 weeks ago). So why do I tell you all of this? Because I want that kind of life. I want to see God's power changing the world! By the way, did I mention that they now feed over 10,000 orphans every day! And that they have seen 2,000 churches planted and a whole people group that never heard the gospel saved! Heidi and Rolland, in their yielding to God, have seen a nation changed! AND she is believing that God told her her inheritance is 1,000,000 children! Not because she is so great or wealthy, she has lived in poverty and done without many times. Just because she loved God enough to trust Him and obey what He told her to do. It is not just for Bill Johnson and Heidi Baker. Before they were big names they were just Justin/Jessica Collins, Don Boldt, Daniel Shafer, Avik, Sarah, Jessica, Nathan, the Ruckdeschal boys....who ever, the list goes on! The people here are finding that it is possible for God to move in powerful ways through "lil ole me".
One last scripture that God gave me a long time ago from Acts 5:32 "we (the disciples...that includes you and me) are His witnesses of these things (the gospel of Jesus Christ), and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him." I am determining to yield myself to God again, in a fresh way, to see what He desires of me. I know that as I do His Spirit will bear witness with power to the words that I speak if they come from God. What that power may be I don't know, but Bill Johnson says without a doubt that the greatest miracle of all is salvation. To see lives changed for all of eternity, that's all I want, and I believe God wants it too. Pray with me and let's see what He will do with His body here in North America.
Sorry if this is too long. I just couldn't shorten it and speak it clearly. I hope you don't mind and I hope you are touched too.
With prayers of love and blessing for you all,
Yours in Christ,
Jessica
P.S. God has moved in powerful ways in the past through Justin and I, (Pastor Don and many others too I am sure). This I don't want to disregard. But, like Bill Johnson, discouragement had set in at all of the times God had not answered the way in which we had prayed. For anyone else who has been discouraged, I hope this word stirs you up to hope again in God. "For with God, nothing is impossible." Luke 1:37
this is Jessica here. I mentioned that I am reading the books after Justin so that I can be learning what he is in some measure. I have been slowly reading through Bill Johnson's book, When Heaven Invades Earth : A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles. I figured it is probably the main source to gain understanding about what God is doing in this church and school since Bill Johnson is the central leader. Sounds good right? Okay, so I wanted to talk about a few things in the book that I found interesting. I still highly recommend reading some of these books by the way, as a means of getting a lot of what God is doing here at the school.
So, pg. 88 Bill Johnson says this, "In 1987 I attended one of John Wimber's conferences on signs and wonders in Anaheim, CA. I left discouraged. Everything that was taught, including many of the illustrations, I had taught. The reason for my discouragement was the fact that they had fruit for what they believed. All I had was good doctrine.
There comes a time when simply knowing truth will no longer satisfy. If it does not change circumstances for good, what good is it? A serious reexamination of personal priorities began. It was apparent that I could no longer expect good things to happen simply because I believed they could....or even should. There was a risk factor I had failed to enter into--Wimber called it faith. Teaching MUST be followed with action that makes room for God to move. (Endnote says this here : Making room for God doesn't mean He can't move without our approval. It simply means He delights in our invitation.)
Things changed immediately. We prayed for people and saw miracles. It was glorious but it didn't take long to discover that there were many also that weren't healed. Discouragement set in, and the pursuit with risks decreased.
On my first trip to Toronto (the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship aka Toronto Blessing) in March of 1995, I promised God if He would touch me again, I would never back off. I would never again change the subject. My promise meant that I would make the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, with the full manifestations of His gifts--the sole purpose for my existence. And I would never stray away from that call--no matter what! He touched me, and I have pursued without fail."
Red color was my addition, as was a clarification of Toronto for those who may not be familiar with the outpouring of the Spirit there in the mid 1990's.
I am 2/3 of the way through the book but I think this passage is the foundation for what God has done and is doing here. Toronto was about LOVE. Their mission statement was "That we may walk in God's love and then give it away." It was centered around the Fatherheart of God and it is amazing to see how many of the major players on the world wide scene received an important impartation from that move which has paved the way for what God is now doing through them. That is kind of a side note maybe (or maybe not) but I think something to keep in mind as you are looking at this wholehearted pursuit of the Holy Spirit and the full manifestations of His gifts.
1 Corinthians 12 talks about those gifts, in case someone doesn't know what those are, I am going to list them from that passage. "To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the self same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one just as He determines."
Bill Johnson also talks about how Jesus' identity and mission from God the Father were authenticated by the demonstrated power of God (the anointing) on His ministry. CHRIST means "anointed one". For Him to be the Christ, the Messiah, He had to be anointed with power. So there is a verse he quotes that is Jesus speaking and He says this, "unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe Me." I recall that His message to John in prison, in response to John the Baptist's question of His identity, was something like this, tell him, the blind receive their sight, the sick are healed and the prisoners are set free. He was authenticating His identity by the works that He did in power (and their fulfillment of the prophecies concerning Him). There are many more quotes you can look for yourself but for now we can all agree that the Son of God needed to have power to really be the SON OF GOD. But then he continues by saying that the church of God, the body of Christ, needs to walk in that same power to authentic the message of Christ. That we are representations of Christ who are re-presenting the same gospel message. I can agree with that also. Paul says, "the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power." And Jesus commissioned His followers to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons." SO, there is one important question, why aren't we seeing it here in North America in the church? I can't really answer that for you. I just know that I have hungered to no longer feel impotent in the things of the Spirit. When I talk to someone who doesn't know Jesus Christ I don't want them walk away thinking what a nice person I am but to be touched by the LIVING GOD in a way that only He could. I want them to never be the same again. To say, like Jesus, the kingdom of God has come to you today.
There is someone that I have known of for some time who is based in Mozambique, Africa. Her name is Heidi Baker. I got the opportunity to hear her speak the first week I arrived...a little treat for me because I had been wanting to see her in person for a number of years and something always prevented me, until now. I believe it is because the longing I feel for what she speaks of could not be pursued at that time and was painfully the opposite in my life during that time. Anyway, she takes care of orphans in Mozambique with her husband Rolland. They call her mama Heidi. She started out with only a few but God put it in her heart not to refuse any child that came to her. Well the streets are full of orphans, and with AIDS, the continent is full of sick orphans! What a task! She just kept bringing them home and asking God to provide. God has created food for the orphans like the miracle of the loaves and the fishes. He has even created juice and cookies. Now I know many of you are really balking at that. It is a minor note in the collection of stories she shared, some funny, some heart rending but all inspiring. She and her husband just live the gospel. Really, the stories you read, she lives. People have been raised from the dead, too many to count! Even the unsaved are bringing their dead to the African pastors that are a part of her ministry and they see miracles! She told the story of walking down a city street and how she could smell a horrible stench of rotting flesh. Inwardly she rejoiced knowing that it meant an opportunity for God to touch someone. She found the man whose hand was literally rotting off and God told her to grab hold of it. She explained how she has no fear of sickness since she is a child of God. Anyhow, she did grab a hold of it and her hand squished into the oozing flesh. Now many of you are squirming at that thought but she didn't even pray for him at this point! She heard God say to stomp on his foot with all of her might, so SHE DID! He screamed in pain and jerked his body and hand away. She began rejoicing instantly because she knew that he was healed (lepers cannot feel pain because the nerves are dead). His rotten hand was whole too! All of his body was cleansed of the leprosy and He received Jesus. Another story she told was of a 10 year old girl. This girl for some reason was 1 legged. Her family fell on hard times and sent her brothers to live with relatives but they tried to stone her to death because she was a burden with only one leg. Her grandmother actually hated her. So, a neighbor found her almost dead in a field with her head bashed in and took her to the hospital. They helped her recover and released her. She then had no where to go, so she sat on the streets and sold her 1 legged 10 year old body for a piece of bread. At this point I was sobbing. She hesitantly came to Heidi only because she saw another child with her and thought maybe she would be safe to talk to. Heidi ended up inviting her home. The girl was so demonized that she began to scream and manifest the demonic at Heidi's house. She just held the girl and rocked her and spoke scripture over her. The girl bit her again and again. She just kept rocking her and speaking God's love and truth over her. Eventually the girl stopped. She ended up receiving Jesus and staying there for several years. After that time, she came to Heidi one day and told her she needed to go home. Heidi tried to dissuade her because of the terrible abuse she had gone through but the girl said, how can I stay here receiving God's great love knowing that my family is going to hell for all eternity. I must go and tell them of God's great love for us." She went and her grandmother still cursed at her but her 2 of brothers received Christ. In the end, 8 years later, Heidi got to be there for the girl's wedding to a wonderful Christian man, to see her walk down the aisle (with a prosthetic leg) as her brothers wept at God's miracle, their beautiful sister. There were many more stories like this, if you want to hear the word she brought it is on Bethel's website (it was about 3 or 4 weeks ago). So why do I tell you all of this? Because I want that kind of life. I want to see God's power changing the world! By the way, did I mention that they now feed over 10,000 orphans every day! And that they have seen 2,000 churches planted and a whole people group that never heard the gospel saved! Heidi and Rolland, in their yielding to God, have seen a nation changed! AND she is believing that God told her her inheritance is 1,000,000 children! Not because she is so great or wealthy, she has lived in poverty and done without many times. Just because she loved God enough to trust Him and obey what He told her to do. It is not just for Bill Johnson and Heidi Baker. Before they were big names they were just Justin/Jessica Collins, Don Boldt, Daniel Shafer, Avik, Sarah, Jessica, Nathan, the Ruckdeschal boys....who ever, the list goes on! The people here are finding that it is possible for God to move in powerful ways through "lil ole me".
One last scripture that God gave me a long time ago from Acts 5:32 "we (the disciples...that includes you and me) are His witnesses of these things (the gospel of Jesus Christ), and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him." I am determining to yield myself to God again, in a fresh way, to see what He desires of me. I know that as I do His Spirit will bear witness with power to the words that I speak if they come from God. What that power may be I don't know, but Bill Johnson says without a doubt that the greatest miracle of all is salvation. To see lives changed for all of eternity, that's all I want, and I believe God wants it too. Pray with me and let's see what He will do with His body here in North America.
Sorry if this is too long. I just couldn't shorten it and speak it clearly. I hope you don't mind and I hope you are touched too.
With prayers of love and blessing for you all,
Yours in Christ,
Jessica
P.S. God has moved in powerful ways in the past through Justin and I, (Pastor Don and many others too I am sure). This I don't want to disregard. But, like Bill Johnson, discouragement had set in at all of the times God had not answered the way in which we had prayed. For anyone else who has been discouraged, I hope this word stirs you up to hope again in God. "For with God, nothing is impossible." Luke 1:37
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