Jumping off cliffs!

I really believe God loves crossing our boundaries simply because He thinks it's fun. He must be sitting there with a bowl of popcorn waiting for the looks on our faces. Then He grins with a joyful smile as all our preconceived notions are shattered and He no longer fits into the boxes we have created for Him.

He set me up for one of these moments on Tuesday. The drawing above has everything to do with it.

All first year students are required to go to a "retreat" that spans 3 days. It is meant to be a time of refreshing and relationship building. Our group of about 250 descended on the "Living Waters Resort" run by YWAM in Chico, CA. I won't go into details, but in the early part of the 1900's this place was incredible: marble floors and staircases, mahogany everywhere, 25 foot ceilings, pillars, natural hot spring baths, small waterfall with two natural pools for swimming, tennis courts, MASSIVE pool, hiking trails... the list goes on! YWAM rescued it from becoming a termite mound and now uses it as a training base and for other groups who need a spiritual retreat or conference center. I LOVE IT!!!!

For the drive down I travelled with a new friend, Jack. He needed to make a quick stop at the bicycle shop which quickly steered us to one of my old and favorite pastimes, mountain biking. I puffed myself up with all my stories of bent forks, blown tires and mangled rims. Not to mention all the falls and subsequent wounds... can you hear me grunting like a cave man! Simply put, I used to ride my bike and ride it hard and I had a thing for jumps. I am going somewhere with this... be patient.

Once I arrived at the resort it was necessary to sign in. At the table I ran into one of the second year interns, Ruth. We began to talk about waterfalls and the fact that we were not allowed to jump off the one located at the resort, but she explained to me that there were a few near Redding that were fair game and relatively safe. I told her I would need to get that information since one of my favorite things to do in the water was cliff and waterfall jumping (not diving, I can't dive for a lick). She assured me that once we got back she would get me the details. She then insisted I meander through the lobby and get a "prophetic drawing". I immediately shuddered and told her honestly, "That is strange. I can't say that I'm ready for it.". She insisted I would enjoy it. I smiled insincerely.

One thing I have determined since arriving here in Redding is that I will do everything I am afraid of and would normally run from screaming. This was clearly one of those run screaming moments. It seemed so corny that I could barely bring myself to look in the direction of all those poor deluded souls sitting about 20 feet behind the registration table making fools of themselves. I felt embarrassed for them. They didn't realize they were fruit loops. They had been brain washed into this surreal culture and had been forced into unusual acts and performances for some dark master. It was upon realizing I didn't want to partake in this madness that I decided I must. What good would coming to this unusual feast be if all i did was stare at the table and wonder what those strange delicacies tasted like. It was time to try some of this peculiar bounty. I bent my will with untold amounts of, "you can do this", and strode headlong into my fear.

In this case "fear" took the face of Beatrice. A young, beautiful and timid Norwegian. Hers was the only open seat since all other 10 mystics were occupied with their unsuspecting prey. I nervously slid into the wooden chair wondering what awkward moment awaited me. Since I didn't know my role in this act I told her as much, and in her broken english she assured me I need not do a thing. I prepared myself for some strange drawing of a dove or rainbow, or maybe even a unicorn if I were especially lucky. But what happened next shocked me.

She bowed her head, said a quiet prayer that lasted no longer then ten seconds and then began to draw. The picture is the one you see at the top. It was of me jumping from a waterfall. She told me I love adventure, that I liked to do stunts on bikes and that my relationships were going to change for the better and go deeper. For someone who knew nothing of me or my conversations that day she sure seemed like she had a bead on me.

My "God box" exploded. I wasn't sure what to do. I thanked Beatrice and encouraged her that she had no idea how accurate she was. I walked over to Ruth and without speaking a word showed her the drawing. She flung both hands in the air and began clapping and laughing as I walked away with a look of astonished joy on my face. Then off to Jack, whose response was quite similar and who, in turn, made a b-line for the lobby to partake in the insanity.

He's deconstructing my walls one little brick at a time and I'm just wondering when it will be time for Him to pull out the sledge hammer and finish the job... It's coming. I'll be sure to let you know when it happens;)

Justin

Stinkin' Train Wreck!

Ever been undone so erratically that you don't even know which pieces to start sifting through?

I can hardly believe the wrecking He's been doing to who I am. Like a giant sledge hammer smashing things to bits so goes the last couple days.

I began to worship today and surprisingly it did not immediately start as some divine encounter where I was transported into the 7th heaven. You would think in a place with an open heaven that worship would pour out of you like Niagara Falls. I present to you, Justin Collins and the mighty trickling dry creek bed with tumble weeds blowing down the dusty trail. For some reason I have been struggling to encounter the tangible presence of God during worship, here in a place where it flows like a torrent!

I first thought it might not be me This Bethel was simply not as intense a place of worship as I thought it to be. But after surveying everyone around me getting smashed (weeping, laughing, drunk, dancing, etc), I figured that was probably not an accurate summation. This made me think, "Hmmm... I wonder? Might it, by some slim possibility, be perfect little me causing precious little me this closed heaven?".

I said to myself, "You can't be that hard Justin... right? I thought you were a pretty good guy, that you love the Lord a lot and serve Him faithfully. Plus, you drove all the way to California and gave up life as you know it to prove this. That should be enough to get a few measly drops from heaven... so, what the HECK is going on?"

And surprisingly, God spoke to my heart saying, "You want My presence? First you have to break that heavy yoke you've been carrying, and I've got just the thing to do it... It's something I call praise. And by the way, I don't care if you feel like doing it, just do it because you love Me... the rest I'll take care of"

I won't go into what the heavy yoke was because it will take too long. Sufficed to say I pushed into praise, again, for the fifth or sixth time in the last week and a half. Sometimes it takes a while to break something that was crafted so well... by hands you recognize as your own. Annoying how that works.

At first it didn't feel good and it definitely wasn't easy... I didn't/don't know any of the songs. My heart was heavy and it felt forced. But I also know from past experiences that God honors a sacrifice... even a small one. I don't know if it was the accumulation of my praises from the past days or the singular moment, but something shifted.

It was like peddling to the top of one of these infernal hills (which I have to do everyday). You're legs and lungs are burning and you feel like stopping would be an exquisite idea, but you know that just... a... little... bit... more and you'll be off to smooth sailing, legs up on the handlebars, coasting into the calming breeze. Well, I suddenly made it to the top... and coasting was probably a bad analogy. More like accidentally riding into the busy intersection unawares and being obliterated by a cement truck, rolled over by the proceeding two pick up trucks and coming to rest beneath the little blue Honda. You've lost your helmet and you're missing three quarters of your teeth, and for some odd reason you're smiling... probably because you can't feel any pain since you're in shock and going to die.

Well, I definitely had tea with the cement truck... pleasant chap. God violently coursed through every pore of my body like liquid fire with a dose of experimental electricity... and that is not an exaggeration. His presence came on so strong I had no control over it and frankly had no clue what to do. If you have ever been in a "spot" where you no longer have control of your body but instead the One who created it does.... AWESOME!!!!!! All I could do was shout and cry. Apparently He thought this enjoyable so He turned it up a few more notches and my hands felt like I could have been an X-MEN, shooting fire across the room to consume innocent bystanders. Joking aside, I looked like I had lost control of my nervous system... but only in my arms and hands. I have only encountered His presence like this the day He showed Himself real to me: September 15th, 1995. I have longed for this to happen again since that day... He knows my longings. And now I want Him to come on so strong that it's not just my hands but my whole body that loses control. I cannot accurately describe to you what it feels like to have the Holy Spirit literally coursing through your veins. You will want more! You will be WRECKED! NOTHING compares to it... no words can describe it!

I don't have time to share about the healings students are already seeing... most of them at WinCo supermarket for some reason, and I also don't have time to share about the bang on word of knowledge God gave me for a young man today. The student testimonies of God moving would cover this page 100 times over. Not only is God showing Himself powerfully, but He is also restoring my heart in amazing ways... There will be more. I am anticipating sharing the first healing that God does through me as soon as it happens... and I believe it will!

I'll be seeing you soon, probably with a few more missing teeth :)

What an unusual place...

Now that Jessica filled in a few details about settling in, let me fill you in on my new adventure.

I am a critical person. Said it. Done. I realize it is God who is changing this dreaded reality in my life. TaDa... Bethel! On my first day of classes I was taken back. There were piercings in everything, a multitude of tattoos, mini-skirts, super tight clothing everywhere and just plain strangeness. Between a quarter and a third of the student population I would have steered clear of on any other day. Not exactly what I was picturing. Of course, there were the rest of us plain clothed folks feeling like we needed a tattoo or trendy clothes to fit in. I first thought, "how can a girl worship in a mini-skirt?" and then, "why does that guy have a unicorn spike through his ear?", as well as, "is that amount of tattooage (I made that up just now) even healthy?". What an unusual concoction of folks.

Nothing like putting up walls before even getting started.

Before any formalities were undertaken the leadership insisted on worship. It was here the true tone was struck... in the heavenlies. My preconceived notions began melting away as the music began to play. NEVER, and I insist NEVER, have I been in a worship service where such passion was poured upon the altar before God from such a large multitude. Every person, especially those who I criticized with my unspoken words and only a glance of my eyes, opened their hearts and bodies to Him. As they lifted their voices towards heaven He responded by pouring more and more of His presence into the room. It was extravagant. His presence was tangible. I was immediately humbled. I began to worship feeling grateful that God would even receive from my contaminated heart a song of praise. Instead of the average worship service where only a handful of people get into it, every person in the room was wholly engaging. The ones who were just standing there seemed completely out of place. Even today, the worship team ended the song but the worshippers were not done and the song continued as a massively powerful wave of voices... no instruments playing, no worship leader leading, no words on the screen. Just 800 people singing the same song as a passionate expression of the uncontainable love pouring out from within... to which the leader eventually stated, "all i have to do is strum a cord and you guys are already gone!". They say worship is a key... what a powerful door it opens!

A lot of what I have believed and preached concerning touching the heart of God is shifting. I have always been so works oriented.  I felt the more I did for God the closer I would become.  More and more the realization is dawning within me that He cares nothing about our human achievements. I know it is something I have said again and again, but there is such a struggle within me to believe it. Here at Bethel it is apparent He cares about one thing... your heart... and this is what the entire culture revolves around.

I am surrounded by people from all over the nation and world who have given up as much as us, and more.  They are desperate to get a grasp on what they have struggled to believe is possible for most or all of their Christian life... that God has called us to prophesy, heal the sick and lame, cast out demons and raise the dead. Here, they teach you that it is part of the normal Christian life, not an exception. And they have proven it for over 17 years. They don't call what is happening here a revival. It's everyday life. The big difference is that they teach you it's not about all that "fun" stuff... they barely even speak of faith. They simply believe that as your heart becomes more aligned with the heart of God the rest is a byproduct of that relationship... truly simple. But so much doubt inside of me still has to be overcome.

Can God really do these things through me?

I won't belabor the point, but as more happens I will let you know. I am fired up.

As a final note here is a testimony of what happened to me today. We broke into our revival groups for the first time today. It is a group of 60 students with a main leader (John K.) and about 4 interns. We were all sitting in chairs around the perimeter of the room and John asked us to throw our name badges onto the floor in the center. He mixed them all up and then told us to come grab one (not our own of course). Then he told us we had a few seconds to hear from the Holy Spirit and we needed to see if we could locate the owner of the name badge. I only had time to think, "WHAT!". I stood up and immediately felt directed to this curly haired guy in the middle of the room. I walked up to Mr. Curly Haired guy and said,"Justin!", to which he replied "Nope, sorry.", to which I replied, "No. I'm Justin, are you Kevin?" He looked almost as astonished as I did. "YES!", he replied. The strange thing was that I had this unusual sense of confidence in what I was doing, but it was raging against fear and doubt. If this is the start of our training I am very excited about the coming months.

With much love and anticipation,

Justin

Introduction to Bethel and Redding, CA

Well, we are here.  I would normally chronicle our adventures in chronological order but to convey all that we saw and did, just in the journey here, would take more time than I have tonight.  So, we will leave those tales to another time.  As for Redding and Bethel, that is where I will begin since that is the reason that we came.  We drove into Redding around noon on Sunday and went straight to the church.  We met our friend Tim Walls, with whom we had been at Elim 10 years ago.  It was a blessing to have someone here helping us out in small ways.  More so, it was great to walk into the church and see a face that was smiling at us in recognition.  You don't realize how nice that is until you leave everyone and everything that you know.  I listened in to a few minutes of the sermon, which was really great, but we had to leave and check out our new home.  We had only a day and a half until classes started for Justin in which we were to unpack, find used furniture and get the apartment cleaned and in general order.  Of course that didn't happen but we did make a lot of progress.  Now, 4.5 days after arriving and many trips to Walmart, we are mostly set up and settled.  We still have little furniture but we have the essentials, a table and chairs, our beds, a computer table and plastic drawers to use as dressers.  Our little apartment is pretty nice.  Even though it is only 974 sq. ft. we don't feel cramped because we have 2 bedrooms, a full bath and laundry upstairs.  Our main level is a half bath, galley kitchen, and living/dining room combo.  There is a very small patio with a shed (great because we were wondering where the bug encrusted car top carrier would be stored).  Across the street, there is a swimming pool and jacuzzi for the community use but since their summer is technically over (I say technically since it is still over 90 degrees here every day!) we are the only ones ever using the pool.  People have told us that it is unseasonably cold right now.  :)  Gee, we love their "cold" weather.  Saw the weather in Rochester on the internet, sorry guys.  Now, on to Bethel.  I was very surprised to see how small the main sanctuary is.  I would say that it seemed smaller than the new main sanctuary at Bethel in Rochester.  They actually put a lot of their money into the community here.  The church tithes a tenth of all the money that comes in right off the top.  They were recounting how just last month they had no money for the 400 people's salaries that are on staff here.  I think Justin said it was 2.4 million.  They didn't stress, they just waited to see how God would provide and miraculously He did at the last minute.  So, for those of you who are stressed about the monthly bills, be faithful to honor God in your finances and He will be faithful to provide for you.  (And thank God it isn't 2.4 million right?)  Last night, I went to a general meeting for those interested in hearing the vision and heart of the church.  Bill Johnson and Chris Vallenton both spoke.  They also went around the room and had everyone share their name, where they were from and how they heard of Bethel.  It was amazing to hear people from all over the world there, spies they called themselves, here to check out the land before moving here from Australia, Germany, Switzerland.  There was a couple from South Korea that brought their baby here for healing as he is in the last stage of cancer.  Many prayed with them at the end of the meeting.  There were also 2 people from different areas that had been healed at conferences where Bill Johnson had been ministering.  One was healed of stage 4 cancer and one of leukemia.  They came to be a part of the church where such things are common place.  Bethel's heart is that the kingdom culture be the reality for Christians.  One concept in keeping with that I found interesting, they talked of the scripture we quote at Christmas from Isaiah where it says, "and of the increase of His government and His peace there shall be no end".  They said, in their view of eschatology, Christians light and power and influence shall be increasing constantly.  That we should be looking to see Christian government and schools and communities.  That we should be praying and sowing into those arenas earnestly to see not just personal growth in Christians, but the entire culture changed.  In fact, that is the heartbeat of what they do.  To see the culture of a city or a nation change so that the kingdom culture (Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven) is a reality for this generation.  They have said that the miracles and the prophecy are exciting but they are a means to an end, large groups of people (cities or more) who follow after the things of God with all of their might.  

There is much more I could say from just that one meeting but I will leave it at that.  The books they are reading so far, for those who are interested, are these:  When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson (to get a deeper understanding of their heart and vision); and The World Aflame: The Welsh Revival and its lessons for Our Time by Rick Joyner. 

Goodnight all, we miss you all and think of you often.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you..." 

Jessica