Christmas

This morning is the first day of December.  I found myself unable to sleep but today that is okay.  There is something mysterious and wonderous about the darkness to me as Christ's birth approaches.  I feel a beauty and a sacredness in the solitude of the night.  It seems at these times, that I can see that little stable so long ago much clearer, without the busyness of the day and the brightness to illuminate my present surroundings.

I can imagine myself standing on the hills of Bethlehem 2000 years ago.  I can almost feel the chill of the night in the air.  I hear myself breathing as I gaze at the brilliant stars in the night sky.  I imagine how vast the expanse of the heavens must be that stands between me and these twinkling stars.  What a gift the night is!  In the brightness of the day, we see the sun, so large and warm and it feels close.  We see the clouds that, at times, seem as though we could touch them.  The bright blue sky seems like a ceiling that covers us in our safe homes here on earth.  But at night, staring into the black expanse with lights twinkling in varying degrees, a depth is revealed to the sky that is impossible to perceive in the light.  God's greatness is laid out before us as we gaze into the heavens, out into space itself.

I join the shepherds in the night.  My heart is quieted in awe and the message of peace on earth seems to blanket the sleeping world.  Peace on earth, God's good will for men, wrapped up in the tiny figure in the manger.  Truly even the choirs of angels praising God could not do justice to the wonder of this small baby.  I cannot really conceive of the same God, Who is so vast above in the heavens, Who created all things and holds them in motion in the palm of His hand, that this God has limited Himself, contained Himself, in one small fragile, earthen vessel.  Jesus, Creator of all, became part of His creation.  He experienced every part of our existence; being a single cell in Mary's womb, being carried in His mother's womb, being born, being helpless and taken care of by others, learning to talk and walk, learning to obey and to serve as a child, suffering pain when He was injured, feeling sick at times, feeling hunger and thirst, grieving the loss of His father on earth Joseph, feeling responsible, having to wait for God's timing, rejoicing in good times, and struggling through hard times and finally, death.  That moment in time history was changed for all of mankind.  The impact transcended time.  It was a cross roads for humanity.  We had been going one direction and now, because of one man, we were turned.  Our new destination, our destiny if you will, for those who will receive Him, became eternal life and God Himself. 

What a great moment indeed!  A sacred, holy, magnificent moment in time was the moment that Christ was born.  When He breathed His first breath on this earth and made His first sounds, who would have guessed He was the Saviour of the world?  Who would have known that same voice, was the voice of God that would speak those precious words, "Father, forgive them"?  Christmas, the celebration of Christ's birth, is here again.  What is it to you?  A time for cookies, gifts, rushing about, parties and family?  All of those things are good, don't get me wrong, but they can easily distract us from receiving the gift of God extended right now; renewed hope, deeper faith, greater joy and abundance of life in His presence are just a few.  Hear the message of the angels; peace on earth... peace in your life; and God's good will for man, His desire to lavish His love on you and me, right now.  I think of the story of Moses and the burning bush and something that God impressed on me years ago.  It wasn't until Moses stopped and turned aside to see why the bush was not consumed by the fire that God spoke to him.  Take a moment to stop and ponder the mysteries of God and He will speak to you too!  

May your Christmas season be full of wonder, mystery and sacred moments.

With love,
Jessica
  

South Africa!

Dear Friends,

WOW!!! It is amazing to see Jesus partnering with normal people (like me) to bring forth signs and wonders! Today during worship I sat down next to an older woman I had never met. As worship began I felt God's tremendous love for her and I was compelled to put my arm around her shoulders. Upon doing so I suddenly felt burning all over my left knee... I knew God was telling me something in regards to her body! I turned to her and asked if she had a problem with her left knee... did she ever! Her right knee had already been replaced because it had gotten so bad and now her left knee was in the same place. Her meniscus was totally deteriorated and there was no cartilage left. It was bone on bone, very painful. And get this! While praying for her God told me to whack her knee with my hand! Picture how weird I felt when asking her if it was okay to smack her bad knee! I would never have thought in a million years that I'd be doing something that crazy! But, I took a big gulp and, SMACK! I did it! Then I asked the cliff hanger question, “How's it feel?”. In the midst of her tears she told me how much better it felt... AWESOME! Later she told me there was no more pain! Weird, but awesome. It was hard for me to comprehend that God had just used me to heal someone... but that and so much more is happening here every day through normal people! I wish I had room to tell you of all the amazing stories of the other students here!

Recently I was accepted on a team that is traveling to South Africa for a missions trip from March 10-23. We will be ministering in churches, townships and orphanages, plus we will have the opportunity to minister at a large open air crusade. We will be flying in to Johannesburg and then taking a bus to Pretoria. From Pretoria we will be splitting up into six groups of five team members which will then be sent out all over South Africa and Namibia. This will be the Eleventh trip the school has taken to South Africa. Every trip has been heavily marked with mighty manifestations of God's kingdom through the healing of the lame, sick, blind & deaf, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and MANY lost saved! It is sure to be a time of signs and wonders!

Please consider partnering with me in one or two ways:

First and foremost is prayer. I will need as much covering as is possible before, during and after the trip. Because we will be aggressively going after territory claimed by the devil there will be resistance... guaranteed. Please, I implore you, keep me in your prayers daily. I NEED IT!

Second, I need to raise $3200 in a very short period of time. Please consider sowing into what God is going to be doing in South Africa! If you want to pay by card go to their website: www.ibssm.org   Once on the website go to the “GIVE TO BSSM” tab. Once there, it is very self explanatory. If you would like to pay by check: Mail it to: Bethel International, 933 College View Dr, Redding, CA 96003. Leave the memo blank and instead, include a piece of paper with my name "Justin Collins" and "South Africa" printed/written on it. Bethel (not in Rochester, but the Redding one) will send you a tax deductible receipt. 

Thank you so much for your love and support. I appreciate you greatly. May God bless you!

Justin Collins

MY WALLET!!!!!!!!

What a fun weekend! I'll cut right to the chase... don't look so happy:P

2 wonderful things happened in the following order:

Friday, we, as in over 800 students, were recording the "crowd" vocals for the new worship CD they are producing here at Bethel. This meant there was no band, no worship leader, no onstage vocals. We had to sing along with a CD... epic, right? My exact thoughts were, "I wonder if I could get some school work done right now, especially since this is going to be the most amazing worship service we have had all year!". Let me also add that the CD being used was mixed so that our voices would stand out on the recording.

For those who don't understand the significance of this, let me explain. Put your favorite CD into your CD player. Find the thickest pillows in your home. Duct tape them to the front of your speakers. Turn your volume up about half way. Begin to worship. If you don't have all the words right in front of you, you may, at multiple times, wonder where in the world the song is currently at. Now add 800 people to this choir. Also, add the fact that you can hear yourself and your neighbor singing clear as a bell. And, you can't sing like Jeremy Riddle, or a dying frog for that matter. Glorious!!!!

Yes, I thought it was going to be a big chug of toilet water. But, God just doesn't stop surprising me. Worship started, and with the first strum of the badly muted guitar His presence dropped like a bomb on the whole place... to a CD!!!!!!!!!!! What the Heck! Near the end of the first song everyone was ready to blow up, Jeremy Riddle (who was at the front to give direction between songs) was weeping on stage, us students were being consumed from the inside out,  His presence was tangible. The song ended. The choir of voices didn't. They actually grew louder, we actually grew louder. Once again, no worship leader, no band, no amazing vocals. A badly mixed CD, desperate people and the Love of Father. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! Sufficed to say worship was a staggering experience! What came next was even more fun, for me!

I felt this urge to sit down, even though my spirit was exploding inside of me. After sitting down I felt the urge to put my arm around the woman sitting next to me. Her name was Anglus. She was in her early fifties. Moments after putting my arm around her shoulders I felt an intense burning in my left knee. I didn't have to guess what it was, I immediately knew. I could feel the excitement quickly building inside of me. I turned my head towards Anglus and asked her if she was having a problem with her left knee. She was a little surprised, yet, surprisingly, I wasn't. She proceeded to tell me how she recently had her right knee replaced, but now her left knee was in bad shape. No cartilage, bone on bone, painful to move around. This is where it gets funny or weird, however you want to look at it.

I knew I was supposed to pray for healing. But, while I was praying God frightened me. I felt like He wanted me to whack her bad knee! I'm thinking,"Come on! Really! This seems absurd!". An immediate struggle arose within me. To smack the disabled woman or not. My pride and my reason were screaming at the top of their lungs, "Don't be a fruit loop! Don't do it! For our sake, DON"T DO IT!! God doesn't need you to whack the poor woman for it to happen... YOU'RE CRAZY!". On the other side was my spirit, "Whack her Justin! Give that knee a hardy smack boy! What are you waiting for! You want to see her healed?! SMACK HER! I SAID, SMACK HER!!!" I gave in to my spirit. I whacked Anglus' bum knee! After asking permission of course. And, Yes... she did smile a bit nervously when I asked.

After giving that left knee a good what for, I looked up at Anglus and she was crying. Oh my God, I hurt her! Not really. She told me it felt a lot better. She was quite excited to go use it and try it out. I checked up on her yesterday and she told me there was no pain left! Sweet day in the morning! Didn't see that one coming!

And now for the whole wallet bit. I lost my wallet at a park filled with homeless people on a Friday. Realized it on a Saturday around 5 pm. Frantically drove to said park and, with poor wifey in tow, searched the whole field where I had been playing frisbee. Upon feeling frustrated with my inability to locate my precious wallet, I asked God, "You know where it is, can you make this easy and give me some direction?". I stopped walking immediately, turned around, and made a b-line to the other side of the field. I literally landed on my wallet! I walked in a straight line to my wallet on the other side of the field! CRAZY! You may not be excited about this, but I sure was/am!

See ya:)

"Changed People Change People"

Isaiah 6:5 "Then said I, Woe is me! for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."

How many of you have ever burned something into a pot or pan?  You know that no amount of scrubbing will get that off.  No, the only way to get it off is to soak it.  An even better way is to boil the soaking water with a little dish soap and let it simmer for a while.  Well, that has been my experience here at Bethel.  I came into worship and immediately became overwhelmingly aware of the crustiness of my soul. Before coming I thought, yeah, I have some things I am working through but I am okay with God.  I have realized there is no "okay with God".  I am thinking of the passage in Revelation where God says He would rather people be hot or cold than lukewarm.  He goes on to say that He will spit them out of His mouth.  So, back to being crusty.  I was really aware as I looked around at the people worshiping that I was not where they were.  I was further made aware as people laughed and shook under the Spirit and I sat untouched.  Finally, as they preached about God's goodness and love and His desire to heal I could stand it no longer and simply cried hot, frustrated tears.  Every service I went to I cried those hot, frustrated tears, wanting to run up to the front and grab someone and say what happened to me???  I knew I had been angry with God, I knew I had even turned away in my heart for a time in that anger.  But God had been drawing me back and giving me moments where I felt His love again.  I had no idea how cold I still was and how unable to respond in love rather than what I knew in my mind was right to do.  So, I wondered how I would be made whole?  I went for prayer many times.  I went to as many services as I could.  Someone even prayed, "Lord, give her some kind of a tangible touch so that she will know the healing work that You are doing in her".  Nothing happened.  I was completely disheartened.  I once again started feeling upset with God, "I even sold my house and moved all the way across the country (albeit somewhat unwillingly) and You won't even give me a touch from the Holy Spirit?"  I felt anxiety that maybe the hope I'd had in God's plan to heal and refresh me here was a mistake.  Days turned into weeks and it seemed that not much was happening to me.  I was constantly battling within myself feeling down, or lashing out at Justin because he was receiving so much and I felt I was not.  Well, all of those church services, hours of worship and prayer mixed with bubbling and at times boiling emotions were like that pot.  The water of the Holy Spirit was filling me, soaking my crusted soul.  Slowly, without anything dramatic happening, I noticed a change.  At first, I was even unwilling to admit it because I was still upset that I hadn't had any dramatic and powerful touch from God.  I kept looking at all of the ways I felt God had disappointed me.  Despite all of that, He kept soaking me with His Holy Spirit and slowly the blackened char of my soul has been softening.  I am still aware that I am not where I would like to be in my love for God, but at least there is a desire to grow in it again and a recognition of my need for more.  I have to steady my emotions and remind myself during the times I feel I am the only one not at the party that God has already done a lot in me during these weeks.  I even had one night where He gave me a kind of a vision in one of the classes here.  We were to listen to a worship song and then ask Jesus to meet with us and tell us something.  As soon as I closed my eyes, at the start of the song, I saw myself as a little girl in dress up clothes dancing with Father God.  I was standing on His feet and He was rocking me wildly and we were both laughing.  After that I saw a kind of a slide show of all of the good times I'd had with Him over the years.  There were many.  Well, during all of this, I was laughing and crying and then it became mostly laughing for about 15 minutes.  This is significant because, for the past 2 years, every time I felt God's presence and let my defences down, all I ever did was cry.  I had so much pain in my heart that I was sick of crying.  It got so that I didn't want to try to spend that intimate time with God because I knew I would feel all of the hurt and cry more.  Well, since I have been here, I felt an urgency that I didn't want to miss out on whatever God had for me but I knew I couldn't receive anything like this.  So, little by little, when it seemed nothing was happening, and I was just crying again, I was getting better.  Like that pot that needed to soak, it was slowly falling off my heart, sometimes in big chunks like the night I laughed with Father God.  I am still in process but I have seen great progress in just a month and a half.  I am beginning to feel strong again at times in my spirit man.  I have even stepped out a couple times and given people prophetic words and they said they were accurate!  (Not too long ago I felt I couldn't hear God at all.)  As exciting as holy laughter and prophecy are, I am conscious of staying focused on what is really important, growing closer to God.  It is far too easy to just focus on God's gifts without staying caught up in love with the Giver.

I had intended in keeping my posts about what is happening here at Bethel in general, rather than blabbing on about myself.  I felt initially that it was all too messy even to bring up, that it wouldn't glorify God.  But I am seeing that a lot of what is going on here is about changing people, renewing their way of thinking about God and the world, and giving them a confidence in God's goodness and love.  The miracles bear witness to all of that.

If there are any of you who read this and feel that you too are like that crusty pot or maybe you just feel "okay with God", I want to encourage you to get a good worship CD and "soak" as you fall asleep in the night.  Wash your mind with some fresh reading of the Word of God, even just a chapter or two a day.  Listen to sermons.  However you want to do it, but let the Holy Spirit soften your heart and cleanse your mind, even if there are painful things that you don't want to deal with.  He is gentle, He is faithful and He is good.  If you do, He will surely meet with you and you will be blessed and you will bless others around you.  Now isn't that the kingdom of God in the earth?  Each one of us, growing in God and letting it overflow into the world around us. 

One last thing, I like what they say here about the kingdom of God.  Every where you go, if you call out the good things in people and praise God's gifts in them, you will cause them to grow.  If you tell a cashier what a beautiful smile she has and how much it blesses everyone who comes into her line, guess what she will do for a while after you leave?  She will be smiling and joyful to everyone who comes, whether she knows God or not.  This releases others to receive that joy too.  So, you don't have to preach a sermon and say the sinner's prayer to everyone you meet.  Bring God's kingdom however He leads, even in just a smile or a word of encouragement.

Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.  He that serves Christ in these things is well-pleasing to God, and approved of men."

P.S. The title is a quote from one of our beloved teachers at Elim, Brother Hugh Smith.  He was full of such sayings, and 11 years later, they still stand out clearly in my memory. (Another one was, hurt people hurt people. So true!)  Simple can be very good! Thanks Brother Hugh!

"Waiter, We'll take 2 orders of whatever he's got!"

Hi all,

this is Jessica here.  I mentioned that I am reading the books after Justin so that I can be learning what he is in some measure.  I have been slowly reading through Bill Johnson's book, When Heaven Invades Earth : A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles.  I figured it is probably the main source to gain understanding about what God is doing in this church and school since Bill Johnson is the central leader.  Sounds good right?  Okay, so I wanted to talk about a few things in the book that I found interesting.  I still highly recommend reading some of these books by the way, as a means of getting a lot of what God is doing here at the school. 
So, pg. 88 Bill Johnson says this, "In 1987 I attended one of John Wimber's conferences on signs and wonders in Anaheim, CA.  I left discouraged.  Everything that was taught, including many of the illustrations, I had taught.  The reason for my discouragement was the fact that they had fruit for what they believed.  All I had was good doctrine.
There comes a time when simply knowing truth will no longer satisfy.  If it does not change circumstances for good, what good is it?  A serious reexamination of personal priorities began.  It was apparent that I could no longer expect good things to happen simply because I believed they could....or even should.  There was a risk factor I had failed to enter into--Wimber called it faith.  Teaching MUST be followed with action that makes room for God to move.  (Endnote says this here : Making room for God doesn't mean He can't move without our approval.  It simply means He delights in our invitation.)
 Things changed immediately.  We prayed for people and saw miracles.  It was glorious but it didn't take long to discover that there were many also that weren't healed.  Discouragement set in, and the pursuit with risks decreased.
On my first trip to Toronto (the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship aka Toronto Blessing) in March of 1995, I promised God if He would touch me again, I would never back off.  I would never again change the subject.  My promise meant that I would make the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, with the full manifestations of His gifts--the sole purpose for my existence.  And I would never stray away from that call--no matter what!  He touched me, and I have pursued without fail."
Red color was my addition, as was a clarification of Toronto for those who may not be familiar with the outpouring of the Spirit there in the mid 1990's.
I am 2/3 of the way through the book but I think this passage is the foundation for what God has done and is doing here.  Toronto was about LOVE.  Their mission statement was "That we may walk in God's love and then give it away."  It was centered around the Fatherheart of God and it is amazing to see how many of the major players on the world wide scene received an important impartation from that move which has paved the way for what God is now doing through them.  That is kind of a side note maybe (or maybe not) but I think something to keep in mind as you are looking at this wholehearted pursuit of the Holy Spirit and the full manifestations of His gifts. 
1 Corinthians 12 talks about those gifts, in case someone doesn't know what those are, I am going to list them from that passage.  "To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the self same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.  All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one just as He determines." 
Bill Johnson also talks about how Jesus' identity and mission from God the Father were authenticated by the demonstrated power of God (the anointing) on His ministry.  CHRIST means "anointed one".  For Him to be the Christ, the Messiah, He had to be anointed with power.  So there is a verse he quotes that is Jesus speaking and He says this, "unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe Me."  I recall that His message to John in prison, in response to John the Baptist's question of His identity, was something like this, tell him, the blind receive their sight, the sick are healed and the prisoners are set free.  He was authenticating His identity by the works that He did in power (and their fulfillment of the prophecies concerning Him).  There are many more quotes you can look for yourself but for now we can all agree that the Son of God needed to have power to really be the SON OF GOD.  But then he continues by saying that the church of God, the body of Christ, needs to walk in that same power to authentic the message of Christ.  That we are representations of Christ who are re-presenting the same gospel message.  I can agree with that also.  Paul says, "the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power."  And Jesus commissioned His followers to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons."  SO, there is one important question, why aren't we seeing it here in North America in the church?  I can't really answer that for you.  I just know that I have hungered to no longer feel impotent in the things of the Spirit.  When I talk to someone who doesn't know Jesus Christ I don't want them walk away thinking what a nice person I am but to be touched by the LIVING GOD in a way that only He could.  I want them to never be the same again.  To say, like Jesus, the kingdom of God has come to you today.
There is someone that I have known of for some time who is based in Mozambique, Africa.  Her name is Heidi Baker.  I got the opportunity to hear her speak the first week I arrived...a little treat for me because I had been wanting to see her in person for a number of years and something always prevented me, until now.  I believe it is because the longing I feel for what she speaks of could not be pursued at that time and was painfully the opposite in my life during that time.  Anyway, she takes care of orphans in Mozambique with her husband Rolland.  They call her mama Heidi.  She started out with only a few but God put it in her heart not to refuse any child that came to her.  Well the streets are full of orphans, and with AIDS, the continent is full of sick orphans!  What a task!  She just kept bringing them home and asking God to provide.  God has created food for the orphans like the miracle of the loaves and the fishes.  He has even created juice and cookies.  Now I know many of you are really balking at that.  It is a minor note in the collection of stories she shared, some funny, some heart rending but all inspiring.  She and her husband just live the gospel.  Really, the stories you read, she lives.  People have been raised from the dead, too many to count!  Even the unsaved are bringing their dead to the African pastors that are a part of her ministry and they see miracles!  She told the story of walking down a city street and how she could smell a horrible stench of rotting flesh.  Inwardly she rejoiced knowing that it meant an opportunity for God to touch someone.  She found the man whose hand was literally rotting off and God told her to grab hold of it.  She explained how she has no fear of sickness since she is a child of God.  Anyhow, she did grab a hold of it and her hand squished into the oozing flesh.  Now many of you are squirming at that thought but she didn't even pray for him at this point! She heard God say to stomp on his foot with all of her might, so SHE DID!  He screamed in pain and jerked his body and hand away.  She began rejoicing instantly because she knew that he was healed (lepers cannot feel pain because the nerves are dead).  His rotten hand was whole too!  All of his body was cleansed of the leprosy and He received Jesus.  Another story she told was of a 10 year old girl.  This girl for some reason was 1 legged.  Her family fell on hard times and sent her brothers to live with relatives but they tried to stone her to death because she was a burden with only one leg.  Her grandmother actually hated her.  So, a neighbor found her almost dead in a field with her head bashed in and took her to the hospital.  They helped her recover and released her.  She then had no where to go, so she sat on the streets and sold her 1 legged 10 year old body for a piece of bread.  At this point I was sobbing.  She hesitantly came to Heidi only because she saw another child with her and thought maybe she would be safe to talk to.  Heidi ended up inviting her home.  The girl was so demonized that she began to scream and manifest the demonic at Heidi's house.  She just held the girl and rocked her and spoke scripture over her.  The girl bit her again and again.  She just kept rocking her and speaking God's love and truth over her.  Eventually the girl stopped.  She ended up receiving Jesus and staying there for several years.  After that time, she came to Heidi one day and told her she needed to go home.  Heidi tried to dissuade her because of the terrible abuse she had gone through but the girl said, how can I stay here receiving God's great love knowing that my family is going to hell for all eternity.  I must go and tell them of God's great love for us."  She went and her grandmother still cursed at her but her 2 of brothers received Christ.  In the end, 8 years later, Heidi got to be there for the girl's wedding to a wonderful Christian man, to see her walk down the aisle (with a prosthetic leg) as her brothers wept at God's miracle, their beautiful sister.  There were many more stories like this, if you want to hear the word she brought it is on Bethel's website (it was about 3 or 4 weeks ago).  So why do I tell you all of this?  Because I want that kind of life.  I want to see God's power changing the world!  By the way, did I mention that they now feed over 10,000 orphans every day!  And that they have seen 2,000 churches planted and a whole people group that never heard the gospel saved!  Heidi and Rolland, in their yielding to God, have seen a nation changed!  AND she is believing that God told her her inheritance is 1,000,000 children!  Not because she is so great or wealthy, she has lived in poverty and done without many times.  Just because she loved God enough to trust Him and obey what He told her to do.  It is not just for Bill Johnson and Heidi Baker.  Before they were big names they were just Justin/Jessica Collins, Don Boldt, Daniel Shafer, Avik, Sarah, Jessica, Nathan, the Ruckdeschal boys....who ever, the list goes on!  The people here are finding that it is possible for God to move in powerful ways through "lil ole me". 
One last scripture that God gave me a long time ago from Acts 5:32 "we (the disciples...that includes you and me) are His witnesses of these things (the gospel of Jesus Christ), and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him."  I am determining to yield myself to God again, in a fresh way, to see what He desires of me.  I know that as I do His Spirit will bear witness with power to the words that I speak if they come from God.  What that power may be I don't know, but Bill Johnson says without a doubt that the greatest miracle of all is salvation.  To see lives changed for all of eternity, that's all I want, and I believe God wants it too.  Pray with me and let's see what He will do with His body here in North America.
Sorry if this is too long.  I just couldn't shorten it and speak it clearly.  I hope you don't mind and I hope you are touched too.

With prayers of love and blessing for you all,

Yours in Christ,

Jessica

P.S. God has moved in powerful ways in the past through Justin and I, (Pastor Don and many others too I am sure).  This I don't want to disregard. But, like Bill Johnson, discouragement had set in at all of the times God had not answered the way in which we had prayed.  For anyone else who has been discouraged, I hope this word stirs you up to hope again in God.  "For with God, nothing is impossible." Luke 1:37

Jumping off cliffs!

I really believe God loves crossing our boundaries simply because He thinks it's fun. He must be sitting there with a bowl of popcorn waiting for the looks on our faces. Then He grins with a joyful smile as all our preconceived notions are shattered and He no longer fits into the boxes we have created for Him.

He set me up for one of these moments on Tuesday. The drawing above has everything to do with it.

All first year students are required to go to a "retreat" that spans 3 days. It is meant to be a time of refreshing and relationship building. Our group of about 250 descended on the "Living Waters Resort" run by YWAM in Chico, CA. I won't go into details, but in the early part of the 1900's this place was incredible: marble floors and staircases, mahogany everywhere, 25 foot ceilings, pillars, natural hot spring baths, small waterfall with two natural pools for swimming, tennis courts, MASSIVE pool, hiking trails... the list goes on! YWAM rescued it from becoming a termite mound and now uses it as a training base and for other groups who need a spiritual retreat or conference center. I LOVE IT!!!!

For the drive down I travelled with a new friend, Jack. He needed to make a quick stop at the bicycle shop which quickly steered us to one of my old and favorite pastimes, mountain biking. I puffed myself up with all my stories of bent forks, blown tires and mangled rims. Not to mention all the falls and subsequent wounds... can you hear me grunting like a cave man! Simply put, I used to ride my bike and ride it hard and I had a thing for jumps. I am going somewhere with this... be patient.

Once I arrived at the resort it was necessary to sign in. At the table I ran into one of the second year interns, Ruth. We began to talk about waterfalls and the fact that we were not allowed to jump off the one located at the resort, but she explained to me that there were a few near Redding that were fair game and relatively safe. I told her I would need to get that information since one of my favorite things to do in the water was cliff and waterfall jumping (not diving, I can't dive for a lick). She assured me that once we got back she would get me the details. She then insisted I meander through the lobby and get a "prophetic drawing". I immediately shuddered and told her honestly, "That is strange. I can't say that I'm ready for it.". She insisted I would enjoy it. I smiled insincerely.

One thing I have determined since arriving here in Redding is that I will do everything I am afraid of and would normally run from screaming. This was clearly one of those run screaming moments. It seemed so corny that I could barely bring myself to look in the direction of all those poor deluded souls sitting about 20 feet behind the registration table making fools of themselves. I felt embarrassed for them. They didn't realize they were fruit loops. They had been brain washed into this surreal culture and had been forced into unusual acts and performances for some dark master. It was upon realizing I didn't want to partake in this madness that I decided I must. What good would coming to this unusual feast be if all i did was stare at the table and wonder what those strange delicacies tasted like. It was time to try some of this peculiar bounty. I bent my will with untold amounts of, "you can do this", and strode headlong into my fear.

In this case "fear" took the face of Beatrice. A young, beautiful and timid Norwegian. Hers was the only open seat since all other 10 mystics were occupied with their unsuspecting prey. I nervously slid into the wooden chair wondering what awkward moment awaited me. Since I didn't know my role in this act I told her as much, and in her broken english she assured me I need not do a thing. I prepared myself for some strange drawing of a dove or rainbow, or maybe even a unicorn if I were especially lucky. But what happened next shocked me.

She bowed her head, said a quiet prayer that lasted no longer then ten seconds and then began to draw. The picture is the one you see at the top. It was of me jumping from a waterfall. She told me I love adventure, that I liked to do stunts on bikes and that my relationships were going to change for the better and go deeper. For someone who knew nothing of me or my conversations that day she sure seemed like she had a bead on me.

My "God box" exploded. I wasn't sure what to do. I thanked Beatrice and encouraged her that she had no idea how accurate she was. I walked over to Ruth and without speaking a word showed her the drawing. She flung both hands in the air and began clapping and laughing as I walked away with a look of astonished joy on my face. Then off to Jack, whose response was quite similar and who, in turn, made a b-line for the lobby to partake in the insanity.

He's deconstructing my walls one little brick at a time and I'm just wondering when it will be time for Him to pull out the sledge hammer and finish the job... It's coming. I'll be sure to let you know when it happens;)

Justin

Stinkin' Train Wreck!

Ever been undone so erratically that you don't even know which pieces to start sifting through?

I can hardly believe the wrecking He's been doing to who I am. Like a giant sledge hammer smashing things to bits so goes the last couple days.

I began to worship today and surprisingly it did not immediately start as some divine encounter where I was transported into the 7th heaven. You would think in a place with an open heaven that worship would pour out of you like Niagara Falls. I present to you, Justin Collins and the mighty trickling dry creek bed with tumble weeds blowing down the dusty trail. For some reason I have been struggling to encounter the tangible presence of God during worship, here in a place where it flows like a torrent!

I first thought it might not be me This Bethel was simply not as intense a place of worship as I thought it to be. But after surveying everyone around me getting smashed (weeping, laughing, drunk, dancing, etc), I figured that was probably not an accurate summation. This made me think, "Hmmm... I wonder? Might it, by some slim possibility, be perfect little me causing precious little me this closed heaven?".

I said to myself, "You can't be that hard Justin... right? I thought you were a pretty good guy, that you love the Lord a lot and serve Him faithfully. Plus, you drove all the way to California and gave up life as you know it to prove this. That should be enough to get a few measly drops from heaven... so, what the HECK is going on?"

And surprisingly, God spoke to my heart saying, "You want My presence? First you have to break that heavy yoke you've been carrying, and I've got just the thing to do it... It's something I call praise. And by the way, I don't care if you feel like doing it, just do it because you love Me... the rest I'll take care of"

I won't go into what the heavy yoke was because it will take too long. Sufficed to say I pushed into praise, again, for the fifth or sixth time in the last week and a half. Sometimes it takes a while to break something that was crafted so well... by hands you recognize as your own. Annoying how that works.

At first it didn't feel good and it definitely wasn't easy... I didn't/don't know any of the songs. My heart was heavy and it felt forced. But I also know from past experiences that God honors a sacrifice... even a small one. I don't know if it was the accumulation of my praises from the past days or the singular moment, but something shifted.

It was like peddling to the top of one of these infernal hills (which I have to do everyday). You're legs and lungs are burning and you feel like stopping would be an exquisite idea, but you know that just... a... little... bit... more and you'll be off to smooth sailing, legs up on the handlebars, coasting into the calming breeze. Well, I suddenly made it to the top... and coasting was probably a bad analogy. More like accidentally riding into the busy intersection unawares and being obliterated by a cement truck, rolled over by the proceeding two pick up trucks and coming to rest beneath the little blue Honda. You've lost your helmet and you're missing three quarters of your teeth, and for some odd reason you're smiling... probably because you can't feel any pain since you're in shock and going to die.

Well, I definitely had tea with the cement truck... pleasant chap. God violently coursed through every pore of my body like liquid fire with a dose of experimental electricity... and that is not an exaggeration. His presence came on so strong I had no control over it and frankly had no clue what to do. If you have ever been in a "spot" where you no longer have control of your body but instead the One who created it does.... AWESOME!!!!!! All I could do was shout and cry. Apparently He thought this enjoyable so He turned it up a few more notches and my hands felt like I could have been an X-MEN, shooting fire across the room to consume innocent bystanders. Joking aside, I looked like I had lost control of my nervous system... but only in my arms and hands. I have only encountered His presence like this the day He showed Himself real to me: September 15th, 1995. I have longed for this to happen again since that day... He knows my longings. And now I want Him to come on so strong that it's not just my hands but my whole body that loses control. I cannot accurately describe to you what it feels like to have the Holy Spirit literally coursing through your veins. You will want more! You will be WRECKED! NOTHING compares to it... no words can describe it!

I don't have time to share about the healings students are already seeing... most of them at WinCo supermarket for some reason, and I also don't have time to share about the bang on word of knowledge God gave me for a young man today. The student testimonies of God moving would cover this page 100 times over. Not only is God showing Himself powerfully, but He is also restoring my heart in amazing ways... There will be more. I am anticipating sharing the first healing that God does through me as soon as it happens... and I believe it will!

I'll be seeing you soon, probably with a few more missing teeth :)

What an unusual place...

Now that Jessica filled in a few details about settling in, let me fill you in on my new adventure.

I am a critical person. Said it. Done. I realize it is God who is changing this dreaded reality in my life. TaDa... Bethel! On my first day of classes I was taken back. There were piercings in everything, a multitude of tattoos, mini-skirts, super tight clothing everywhere and just plain strangeness. Between a quarter and a third of the student population I would have steered clear of on any other day. Not exactly what I was picturing. Of course, there were the rest of us plain clothed folks feeling like we needed a tattoo or trendy clothes to fit in. I first thought, "how can a girl worship in a mini-skirt?" and then, "why does that guy have a unicorn spike through his ear?", as well as, "is that amount of tattooage (I made that up just now) even healthy?". What an unusual concoction of folks.

Nothing like putting up walls before even getting started.

Before any formalities were undertaken the leadership insisted on worship. It was here the true tone was struck... in the heavenlies. My preconceived notions began melting away as the music began to play. NEVER, and I insist NEVER, have I been in a worship service where such passion was poured upon the altar before God from such a large multitude. Every person, especially those who I criticized with my unspoken words and only a glance of my eyes, opened their hearts and bodies to Him. As they lifted their voices towards heaven He responded by pouring more and more of His presence into the room. It was extravagant. His presence was tangible. I was immediately humbled. I began to worship feeling grateful that God would even receive from my contaminated heart a song of praise. Instead of the average worship service where only a handful of people get into it, every person in the room was wholly engaging. The ones who were just standing there seemed completely out of place. Even today, the worship team ended the song but the worshippers were not done and the song continued as a massively powerful wave of voices... no instruments playing, no worship leader leading, no words on the screen. Just 800 people singing the same song as a passionate expression of the uncontainable love pouring out from within... to which the leader eventually stated, "all i have to do is strum a cord and you guys are already gone!". They say worship is a key... what a powerful door it opens!

A lot of what I have believed and preached concerning touching the heart of God is shifting. I have always been so works oriented.  I felt the more I did for God the closer I would become.  More and more the realization is dawning within me that He cares nothing about our human achievements. I know it is something I have said again and again, but there is such a struggle within me to believe it. Here at Bethel it is apparent He cares about one thing... your heart... and this is what the entire culture revolves around.

I am surrounded by people from all over the nation and world who have given up as much as us, and more.  They are desperate to get a grasp on what they have struggled to believe is possible for most or all of their Christian life... that God has called us to prophesy, heal the sick and lame, cast out demons and raise the dead. Here, they teach you that it is part of the normal Christian life, not an exception. And they have proven it for over 17 years. They don't call what is happening here a revival. It's everyday life. The big difference is that they teach you it's not about all that "fun" stuff... they barely even speak of faith. They simply believe that as your heart becomes more aligned with the heart of God the rest is a byproduct of that relationship... truly simple. But so much doubt inside of me still has to be overcome.

Can God really do these things through me?

I won't belabor the point, but as more happens I will let you know. I am fired up.

As a final note here is a testimony of what happened to me today. We broke into our revival groups for the first time today. It is a group of 60 students with a main leader (John K.) and about 4 interns. We were all sitting in chairs around the perimeter of the room and John asked us to throw our name badges onto the floor in the center. He mixed them all up and then told us to come grab one (not our own of course). Then he told us we had a few seconds to hear from the Holy Spirit and we needed to see if we could locate the owner of the name badge. I only had time to think, "WHAT!". I stood up and immediately felt directed to this curly haired guy in the middle of the room. I walked up to Mr. Curly Haired guy and said,"Justin!", to which he replied "Nope, sorry.", to which I replied, "No. I'm Justin, are you Kevin?" He looked almost as astonished as I did. "YES!", he replied. The strange thing was that I had this unusual sense of confidence in what I was doing, but it was raging against fear and doubt. If this is the start of our training I am very excited about the coming months.

With much love and anticipation,

Justin

Introduction to Bethel and Redding, CA

Well, we are here.  I would normally chronicle our adventures in chronological order but to convey all that we saw and did, just in the journey here, would take more time than I have tonight.  So, we will leave those tales to another time.  As for Redding and Bethel, that is where I will begin since that is the reason that we came.  We drove into Redding around noon on Sunday and went straight to the church.  We met our friend Tim Walls, with whom we had been at Elim 10 years ago.  It was a blessing to have someone here helping us out in small ways.  More so, it was great to walk into the church and see a face that was smiling at us in recognition.  You don't realize how nice that is until you leave everyone and everything that you know.  I listened in to a few minutes of the sermon, which was really great, but we had to leave and check out our new home.  We had only a day and a half until classes started for Justin in which we were to unpack, find used furniture and get the apartment cleaned and in general order.  Of course that didn't happen but we did make a lot of progress.  Now, 4.5 days after arriving and many trips to Walmart, we are mostly set up and settled.  We still have little furniture but we have the essentials, a table and chairs, our beds, a computer table and plastic drawers to use as dressers.  Our little apartment is pretty nice.  Even though it is only 974 sq. ft. we don't feel cramped because we have 2 bedrooms, a full bath and laundry upstairs.  Our main level is a half bath, galley kitchen, and living/dining room combo.  There is a very small patio with a shed (great because we were wondering where the bug encrusted car top carrier would be stored).  Across the street, there is a swimming pool and jacuzzi for the community use but since their summer is technically over (I say technically since it is still over 90 degrees here every day!) we are the only ones ever using the pool.  People have told us that it is unseasonably cold right now.  :)  Gee, we love their "cold" weather.  Saw the weather in Rochester on the internet, sorry guys.  Now, on to Bethel.  I was very surprised to see how small the main sanctuary is.  I would say that it seemed smaller than the new main sanctuary at Bethel in Rochester.  They actually put a lot of their money into the community here.  The church tithes a tenth of all the money that comes in right off the top.  They were recounting how just last month they had no money for the 400 people's salaries that are on staff here.  I think Justin said it was 2.4 million.  They didn't stress, they just waited to see how God would provide and miraculously He did at the last minute.  So, for those of you who are stressed about the monthly bills, be faithful to honor God in your finances and He will be faithful to provide for you.  (And thank God it isn't 2.4 million right?)  Last night, I went to a general meeting for those interested in hearing the vision and heart of the church.  Bill Johnson and Chris Vallenton both spoke.  They also went around the room and had everyone share their name, where they were from and how they heard of Bethel.  It was amazing to hear people from all over the world there, spies they called themselves, here to check out the land before moving here from Australia, Germany, Switzerland.  There was a couple from South Korea that brought their baby here for healing as he is in the last stage of cancer.  Many prayed with them at the end of the meeting.  There were also 2 people from different areas that had been healed at conferences where Bill Johnson had been ministering.  One was healed of stage 4 cancer and one of leukemia.  They came to be a part of the church where such things are common place.  Bethel's heart is that the kingdom culture be the reality for Christians.  One concept in keeping with that I found interesting, they talked of the scripture we quote at Christmas from Isaiah where it says, "and of the increase of His government and His peace there shall be no end".  They said, in their view of eschatology, Christians light and power and influence shall be increasing constantly.  That we should be looking to see Christian government and schools and communities.  That we should be praying and sowing into those arenas earnestly to see not just personal growth in Christians, but the entire culture changed.  In fact, that is the heartbeat of what they do.  To see the culture of a city or a nation change so that the kingdom culture (Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven) is a reality for this generation.  They have said that the miracles and the prophecy are exciting but they are a means to an end, large groups of people (cities or more) who follow after the things of God with all of their might.  

There is much more I could say from just that one meeting but I will leave it at that.  The books they are reading so far, for those who are interested, are these:  When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson (to get a deeper understanding of their heart and vision); and The World Aflame: The Welsh Revival and its lessons for Our Time by Rick Joyner. 

Goodnight all, we miss you all and think of you often.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you..." 

Jessica